January

Busy and hectic week..Noah is 10 weeks and such a sweet baby! Very good natured and happy, always laughing and smiling..wants to talk..he fits right in! LOL





Danny had 10th treatment this week (2 left). Had an allergic reaction to one of the drugs..after something to counteract it...he's doing good. The "symptoms" of the chemo has lasted a little longer this time. But, as always I'm amazed at how well and with such grace (is that the word I'm looking for?) he handles everything.

Started working out this week...yay me. Really need it..physically and mentally :-)
Have a great week everyone!!

frustrated

What do you do when everything falls apart at once. How much can one person stand before nervous breakdown comes into your vocabulary? Before you're just numb.

Yes, I have so much to be thankful for, and yes, I'm trying to focus on those things. But, everytime I feel like I have some sort of "grip" on things...something else happens. Somethings...like the financial stuff...I'm sure you don't want to hear about. (I don't, LOL)

Any suggestions on coping (without falling apart) I would appreciate. And yes, I pray...multiple times a day...perhaps I'm doing it wrong though. Suggestions?

4 down!!

It's late so writing a short note tonight. Fourth chemo today...getting harder. The past week has been a little harder on Danny. Doesn't feel great. Relaxing this weekend. Rent a movie..stuff like that.

Everything else is going ok. Getting ready for baby, although..still don't think everything is ready...

Ok...that's it for tonight...can't stay awake and have dishes and laundry to finish up. Please continue to pray for Danny/us. Also, for all the nurses, Dr. and everyone at the cancer center...they are wonderful and very inspirational to us.

Third treatment

Ahhh, beginning to not care for Thursdays. Danny had third treatment this morning...roughest one..the iv was driving him crazy, room was cold..just some "little" things...they add up when your stress level is so high. The nurses are great..same ones every time and we like them very much. We had an appointment with the nutritionist this morning when we first got there...she is really great, except for we kinda already have more knowledge than most on foods..she was impressed! LOL

Doing ok now, just relaxing after a nice lunch here. Hoping he feels good this weekend.

I've had a somewhat of a rough week..perhaps just pregnancy hormones, or the sheer amount of stress..? When everything piles up..bills, major money issues, sickness...when it is all at once..it is so hard to see through it, to see the "light" at the end of the tunnel. What do you do when things seem to be getting more stressful rather than letting up?? What do you do when you think maybe God is not currently listening to you.. Am I not learning something I am supposed to? Is He waiting for me to do something? Is he is waiting to answer? I have no doubt that at anytime God could change things...job situation, cancer healed, money issues easing up...but, it's questions like what if He doesn't answer, or how long? It's best if those questions are pushed to the back of your thoughts..but, sometimes they are too much.

Second chemo

Yesterday was second chemo treatment. I went and got the kids halfway through...MacKenzie now knows what's going on...the basics anyway. She did very good, met the nurses and sat with Danny. She was very fascinated with the comfy chair that moves with pushing the button. Kids are great! The nurses all stopped in to meet her. Derek came, wanted to just hang out in waiting room and read. Which is totally fine with us.


Danny is feeling ok (better than last time) VERY tired though and kinda hit by a truck feeling. Going to relax this weekend, hopefully gets something done to get ready for baby. Getting closer.. And hoping to go to church this weekend.

We appreciate continued prayers...right now, along with healing for Danny and a healthy baby, I'm praying for Danny a job, (an inside job)

Going good

Danny had first appointment since chemo...they check his blood counts..(very tired of people poking him! ) Everything is good..his white count was a little low..not very much though. Had a shot to boost it, so he can stay on treatment schedule. He's tired, alot, but, doing well this week. Very thankful for that! Still working on mountains of paperwork for financial help and health care, seems to be ongoing.

We're going to work on baby's room today..well it's really part of our room. But, nice he has his own space. Perhaps I'll wash more baby clothes and blankies?? ;-)

Also, working on finding families for 2 of our doggies! If you or know someone let me know. They all cannot stay. It's just too much for us..(ok...me)

Thank you all for your prayers, messages and calls. We still need them (lots of them), so please continue to keep us in your prayers. Have a great weekend! I'm cooking chili again tomorrow!!...Game day!

now we know...where to go from here

The weather is starting to change..I'm praying it brings hope, healing, new life and renewal.

We got the results of the biopsy..Hodgkin's. We have yet another test in 2 weeks (although they're trying for a sooner opening) to determine exactly how much treatment. Either way he'll need chemo. Hopefully, it hasn't spread anywhere and it'll be a short treatment. This is not what we prayed for..(I actually prayed that everyone was wrong and it was nothing). But, we will continue to rely on God for guidance and to get whatever it is that we are supposed to learn from this. Please continue the prayers, they work and we can feel them. Danny is, as usual, very level headed and handling things well. Everyone, from the oncologist to the nurses to the billing staff (can you believe?) have been amazing, optimistic and, well, very compassionate. My mom asked if they were southern (you would think so!). Anyway, we are very thankful. If we have to go through this, this is the team we want and need.

We got home and Danny went to a job site to "bang on things" (very healthy attitude, I thought). When I get the car....I'm going shopping (retail therapy). See....we're handling things very well. LOL

Please continue to pray for us...thank you ;-)

weekends

Sitting here Sunday afternoon...had great weekend..bought diapers!!! I know you're all thinking WOW they are soooo exciting! LOL, I thought it was very exciting to buy babies first diapers. :-)
We did that Saturday after having chocolate pancakes while listening to Derek teaching MacKenzie fractions...ahhhhh!! There are advantages in having big age differences between kids.

Went to church today, love listening to Mark (pastor) speak. MacKenzie had friends there today, so she was very excited. Derek's at movies with cousins, MacKenzie and Danny went on bike ride to the ND soccer game...I washed baby cloths in mallow baby soap...again, I KNOW you're all giddy with excitement.

(also, we've had several people ask about where we're registered for baby...we're on amazon.com and thank you for asking :-)

I'm sitting here writing, Danny's getting corn on the cob ready for our cookout, organic chicken brats, and salad. (I've been extra picky about what we're eating) And, MacKenzie's doing homeschool on the computer...ummm perhaps I should be helping! LOL

We find out later in the week about Danny........please continue to pray...as I'm praying for false alarm...

Wednesday hurdle

Ok...never slept Tuesday night..at all. The staff at Memorial was great, the Dr. was great...they took what was a very stressful situation for us and made it the best possible. Very thankful for that. Everything went great, we were there a total of about 4 hrs. It only took about 15 minutes for the actual surgery! Back home early afternoon. The kids were great and MacKenzie had decorated a poster and windows...very thoughtful. Derek too, of course.

The waiting begins I suppose.....we won't know anything for about a week. That's ok, I think. I...we need the break. Still praying...........

I took in papers to Bethel today for Derek. He's excited, we got a class schedule..most of the classes are during the day..I thought there would be more classes offered at night...(um....I think I need another car!) We'll figure it out I'm sure. LOL

We have gotten lots of emails, calls and messages from friends and family praying for us....THANK YOU!! Please continue to pray.

waiting

Not much today..cleaned all day, now I'm baking cookies for Danny when he gets home. He has biopsy at 10am. I don't really handle things like that very well, very stressful, but, just taking each thing as it comes. All I can do I suppose. We would appreciate your prayers for tomorrow and I'll update everyone as soon as we get home.

tuesday

Sun came out yesterday afternoon, got in the pool with MacKenzie..very nice, I weigh less in the water, LOL, so that's good. Had good dinner and Danny and the kids went on a bike ride.

Don't sleep very well, hard to get comfortable (baby's getting bigger) and with everything on my mind. So got up early with Danny...didn't go back to bed. Sooo, here it is 8:30am and I'm ready for a nap! Did some "research" this morning...that could also contribute to me wanting to go back to bed. It's all so overwhelming.

Ordered a book..Anti-cancer-a new way of life. Should get here today. Waiting to hear from medicaid..to see if we qualify (how could we not?)

My mom sent me a website today..this was the first story I clicked on...needless to say I cried..doesn't take alot these days..

Feel like I've been hit by a truck today..sorry if my thoughts aren't coming out smoothly on paper..hard to focus.

Is this the calm before the storm? Praying for a light storm...perhaps just a drizzle.

Weekend

Rented Whimpy Kid movie last night..very funny, nice to laugh. This morning, hanging out with Danny and the kids. Discussed baby names this morning over pancake breakfast..thankful to have something fun to discuss. Although, some of the names were not appreciated...no, we don't want to name the baby Quinny the Pooh...(MacKenzie's idea)

Working on the house today...leaky faucet..stuff like that. Bike ride later..gotta look at my bike breaks...desperately need a new bike..that of course will have to wait. They go to Notre Dame all the time..I usually just don't go.

Danny and I are doing good with our thoughts and attitude, while the questions of next week loom over us. Wish it was just a bad dream and I'd wake up. We'll just take it piece by piece and get through it. Please continue to pray....ALOT. Perhaps post our name on your frig...as not to forget you know. ;-) We can feel them.

Starting homeschool

Well, we started homeschool early this week..mostly so we can take off when needed. Nice to know. Filled out papers and applications this week for my 15 year old to go to college! Good start..my 5th grader hasn't forgotten to much over the summer. We are big readers anyway.

Hard not to think about "things"...it crept into my dreams this morning. Not appreciated! Gotta boot that out. So very thankful for the friends and family that have emailed or posted thoughts and prayers coming our way.

Part of thankfulness is not complaining... so, I am so thankful for my husband..his attitude and faithfulness. So thankful for my kids who are much better people than I am. Thankful for our friends, for our family, for our church. Thankful, today I go grocery shopping! Thankful it's a gorgeous sunny day out. Thankful for the baby kicking me right now. (perhaps, some light at the end of the tunnel)

Mommie Blog

Well, I have to say, I wanted to start a new blog...a mommie blog. You know those ones where the stay at home mamma talks about her great kids all the time. Being pregnant at 38, with a 10 year old daughter and a soon to be 16 year old son. Thought it would be cool. You know being pregnant after basically 10 years of trying...or at least not, not trying, LOL. Six months pregnant a little nervous and quite irritated with family members who have paid absolutely no attention to the fact that we're pregnant. I had envisioned lovely luncheons and outings family calling me to do baby shopping and coffee...(decaf of course ;-) That of course, has yet to happen.

We've had major job and finance issues over the past year..LOL, longer I think. Seems to be one thing after another. But, nothing could have prepared me for what happened 2 days ago...we took my husband to the ER for what we thought was a hernia...it was not, we've been told he has lymphoma..they don't know what kind yet. More tests next week. How do you handle this? My husband who does everything for everybody..and asks nothing in return, my husband who is incredibly caring and sweet, who works out on a daily basis, not overweight, doesn't smoke...the words why and frankly "what the heck" come to mind. Not fair. Yes, yes, I know..that's what they say, life's not fair. Don't recall signing up for that?!

We have a positive attitude and outlook. (while of course being terrified). We have no insurance, very little money coming in...don't know whether to laugh or throw myself off a bridge at this point, LOL. We believe in the power of prayer..after all if more than 1 asks and asks together..He'll listen right?? So if you've read this far...(don't worry, I'm almost done ranting) Please pray for my husband, kids and maybe me if you have a minute. God hears us...I do prefer we be really LOUD though.

I didn't start this blog to whine..so don't be afraid to read again, started it to maybe keep myself sane during this awful time.